So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
