Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
