Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
