her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
