I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
