I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
