i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
