Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
