it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Bring me that man meat
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
