We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
