I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
