I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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