Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
