At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
