I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
