I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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