I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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