a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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