I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
