good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
