It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
