It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
