turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
