Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
