She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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