Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
