So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
