I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
