Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
