i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
