He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
