just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
When are your genitals available?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
