Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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