no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
