miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
