You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
