fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
