i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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