I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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