I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
