Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
