Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
