Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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