we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
