I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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