im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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