Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
