I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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