You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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