How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
