Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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