idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
