At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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