Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
