Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
soo... how was my night?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
