1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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