I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
